MONKEY AT THE BAR

A monkey entered a bar and asked the bartender ‘Do you have any bananas?’ The bartender said ‘No, we don’t have any bananas’. The monkey asked the bartender again ‘Do you have any bananas?’ The bartender said ‘No, we don’t have any bananas’. The monkey again asked the bartender ‘Do you have any bananas?’ The bartender got angry and said ‘No, we don’t have any bananas. If you ask me for bananas again, I will nail your tongue to that wall’. The monkey looked at the bartender and asked ‘Do you have any nails?’ The bartender said ‘No, we don’t have any nails’. Then the monkey asked the bartender ‘Do you have any bananas?’

(I saw this on TV. I think it was on Comedy Central)

THE JAWAHAR BALBHAVAN

The Jawahar Balbhavan, Kollam

ON THE PHONE

Mahesh told me he had a friend who went abroad some years ago. He came to know that his friend was back on a visit and called him on the phone and said ‘Hello, I am Mahesh’. His friend asked ‘Which Mahesh?’ Mahesh felt offended and cut the call. He told me his friend has forgotten him. I told him that if we don’t meet for a few years and then if he called me one fine day and said ‘Hello, I am Mahesh’, I would also ask him ‘Which Mahesh?’ Mahesh is a common name here and I know several people with this name. If I see him in person I would probably recognise him, but I can’t be expected to recognise his voice after a few years.

Talking on the phone is not like talking in person. We have to be more careful. The chance of being misunderstood is more. Also, the person we are talking to may be facing some personal problems or may even be sick and we will not know about it. If we see the person we can tell by their facial expression that there is something wrong.

Moreover you never know who is listening to what you are saying. Someone may be listening on an extension or the person who received your call may be using a mode on his phone such that everyone around him can hear what you are saying. You will also not know if what you are saying is being recorded to be used against you at a later date.

SHANKAR'S HOSPITAL

Shankar's Hospital, Kollam. Old Building

Shankar's Hospital, Kollam. New Building. Also called Shankar's Institute of Medical Sciences (SIMS)

CHINESE TOYS & BISCUITS

I never saw any Chinese toys when I was a child. Most of the toys I played with were made in Hong Kong. Many of them were battery operated. Some toys were made in Japan and they were more expensive. Toys that came from Europe and USA were even more expensive. Today the toy market is dominated by Chinese toys. I was wondering how they got the knowhow and what happened to the toys made in Hong Kong. Then I realised that since Hong Kong is now a part of China, the toys made in Hong Kong may be labelled as made in China. Moreover the Hong Kong toy manufacturers may have started large manufacturing facilities in China. Chinese toys are cheap and of good quality.

When I was in the Maldives, I used to buy cream crackers made in Singapore. They were good and I bought them regularly. The shops stocked different types of biscuits. One day, I thought I would have a change and bought a packet of cream crackers made in china. It was a little cheaper and the packet was bigger. I expected it to contain more cream crackers. When I opened the packet, I was surprised to see that they were arranged with gaps in between, in order to make the packet look bigger. I felt cheated. It did not taste so good either. On another day, I was looking for some good biscuits in a shop. I decided to settle for the one with the most attractive packaging. I noticed that it was made in china. I took it home and ate just two biscuits. It tasted bad and I got a stomach ache. I thought maybe it was old. I checked the expiry date. It was new. I threw away the rest. I did not want to risk my health.

Only a good product can get repeat customers. Good packaging can only get the first time customer. I don’t think I will ever buy Chinese biscuits anymore.

ADORATION MONASTERY

Adoration Monastery, Kollam

GENGHIS KHAN

I remember studying about Genghis Khan in primary school history. He was the founder of the Mongol Empire. He invaded and conquered most of Central Asia and China. His invasions often resulted in the whole scale massacre of the civilian population. Men, women and children were killed. Kingdoms would surrender to him without a fight, knowing that any resistance would be dealt with brutally. I liked him so much at that time. I thought that he was such a great person.

Today, when I look back, I cannot understand how I could have liked such a cruel person. Maybe young boys are attracted to violent conquerors. 

APPLE LADIES BOUTIQUE

Apple Ladies Boutique, Kadappakada, Kollam

ABC ANALYSIS

Long ago, I did a course in Materials Management. While studying Inventory Control, I had to learn about ABC Analysis. Materials are classified into three categories A, B and C. The most valuable are classified as A. Those that are less valuable are classified as B and the least valuable as C.

The A group materials are tightly controlled so that there is no pilfering and only sufficient amount is held in stock to avoid money being locked up as stock. There is less control for B group materials and least control for C group materials. Some loss due to pilfering can be tolerated for C group materials and the expense involved in control can be reduced for this category.

I think ABC Analysis is useful in daily life too. We keep expensive jewelry in a safe place. We focus on important issues and deal with them effectively. Less important issues do not receive the same attention. A salesman works hard to get a big order. He does not put as much effort on a small order. We are more careful in selecting when we purchase something expensive and may look for reviews. It is not necessary when we buy something cheap.

LANDMARK FURNITURE SHOWROOM

Landmark Furniture Showroom, Kadappakada, Kollam

SERMON IN ASMARA

St.Joseph's Cathedral, Asmara, Eritrea

I have been to church in many places but there is only one sermon that I can remember. It was at St. Joseph’s Cathedral, Asmara, Eritrea. The year was 2000 and there was a border conflict between Eritrea and Ethiopia. Many people were displaced. I think the priest was British. He sounded like one. He told us about his experience during the beginning of his priesthood.

One day, he had to conduct his first funeral service. He was afraid to go near the dead body. He was shivering. He was afraid to face the relatives. He did not know what to say to them. Somehow he managed to conduct the service. Later, after conducting a few more funeral services he became more confident. Now, he has conducted hundreds of funeral services and it has become so easy. If someone calls him to tell him that he has to conduct a funeral service he would think ‘oh, another funeral, so easy’. He said he got used to it and that when people get used to things they don’t care. He told us that we see a lot of injustice all around and nobody cares because people just get used to it.

HOW TO KILL A SNAKE

As a child, I have seen my mother try to kill a snake by pouring hot water on it from a thermos flask. I don’t think it was effective.

When I was working in Africa, I saw a snake near my residence. It was a local who alerted me. I got a stick and was about to beat it to death when my neighbour, a Tamilian, stopped me. He told me not to use the stick. He then got a large stone and used it to smash the snakes head.

Many years later, when I was working in the Maldives my neighbour called me one night to tell me that there was a snake near our residence. I had to use a torchlight to locate it. I knew what to do. I found a large stone and smashed its head.

I don’t think this method will work with a snake that raises its head, like the cobra.

S J BUILDING

S J Building, Kadappakada, kollam

YOU'RE FIRED!

I lost my first job. It was a good experience. I was on probation. According to the terms and conditions, I was only eligible for ten days leave during the probationary period. I fell sick and after returning home was hospitalised. I informed the Company that I was sick and requested them for the ten days leave that I was entitled to. In those days, there were no mobile phones or email. Fast communication was by telegram.

After about two weeks in the hospital, I received a registered letter from the Company informing me that I was terminated. They claimed that I did not extend my leave nor did I inform them about my whereabouts and so they have no option but to terminate my service. It was my first job and I did not know that I could extend my leave beyond the ten days mentioned.

After recovering, I found that it was now easier to get a job. I was now experienced and competitors were more interested in hiring a person trained by a rival Company. I am glad I got such an experience at an early stage in my career. 

MARKET

Kadappakada Market, Kollam

GANDHI DIED

I once saw a statue of Gandhi near a school in Andhra Pradesh, India. I went near it and realised that it was a person dressed as Gandhi. Though he was standing still, his eyes were blinking. He was wearing a dhoti and holding a walking stick.  He was fully covered in silver paint. Even the dhoti and walking stick were painted silver. It was a hot summer day. Some students gave him a small amount of money.  A few days later, I heard that he died. I think the silver paint caused some problems. Was it toxic or did it block his pores? I don’t know. 

AMARJYOTHI SILKS

Amarjyothi Silks, Kadappakada, Kollam

SIDE EFFECTS

Most medicines have side effects. Side effects produced by medicines taken for long durations should be of more concern. Doctors generally do not discuss the side effects when they prescribe a medicine. Some patients may be affected, others may not.

Once, I was prescribed a steroid inhaler for asthma. After using it I started feeling uneasy and had palpitations but I did not connect it with the new inhaler. I consulted another doctor and told him I was feeling uneasy. He told me to continue with the same inhaler and changed my medicine for hypertension. Only later, after searching the net for information did I come to know that it was the new inhaler that was making me feel uneasy. 

DHANYA & REMYA MOVIE THEATERS

Dhanya & Remya Movie Theaters, Kadappakada, Kollam. It used to be called Priya Theater.

THREE WRONG GUESSES

I was working in Madras (now Chennai) in 1983. It was my first job. I had to travel a lot. So, I had almost all my food from restaurants in different cities. Some were hygienic, most were not. One day, while I was waiting for a train at a station, I felt so tired that I lay down on a bench. Someone woke me later and told me that the train was arriving. I got on the train and reached Madras that night. Next day, I had a fever.

My roommate, who was also my colleague at work, suggested I see a doctor. We went to a nearby clinic and consulted a doctor. He told me it must be the Flu and gave me some tablets. A few days later, I still had a fever. My friend told me to meet the doctor once again. We went to the clinic and the doctor said it must be Malaria. He gave me some tablets for Malaria and told me that if the fever does not go away in a few days then it must be Pneumonia.

A few days later, I still had a fever. I decided to book my ticket and return to Kerala. After reaching home, I went to a Hospital and consulted a doctor. He told me to get myself admitted there. He continued giving me the Malaria tablets for a few days and then conducted a blood test. The blood test revealed that I had Typhoid. Now, I was given medicine for Typhoid and also told to have only a liquid diet. I was hospitalized for one month, after which I was discharged. I returned home cured but weak. It took some time to regain my strength.

The doctor at Madras thought it was the Flu or Malaria or Pneumonia. He made three wrong guesses.

SREE DHARMASASTHA TEMPLE

Sree Dharmasastha Temple, Kadappakada, Kollam

TOUCHING THE FEET

I first saw it while travelling on a train through North India. At one station, a young man touched the feet of his father who was about to board the train. At another station, a wife touched the feet of her husband before he got on the train. I think it happens less in South India. I have never seen it in Kerala.

It is obvious that the person who touches the feet of another is showing that he or she has a lot of respect for that person. Sometimes we can see people touching the feet of political or religious leaders.

When people shake hands, they seem equal. One person does not appear superior to the other. When a person touches the feet of another it is demeaning.

CONVENT JUNCTION

Convent Junction, Kollam